


Bucky Barnes- The Farm

by Skellyagogo



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Female reader insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:49:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22889488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skellyagogo/pseuds/Skellyagogo
Summary: A mission gone wrong, no one sees what it's done to him.  The nightmares, the sleepless nights, the need for peace and comfort.  You take him away to give him the respite that he desperately needs, but what happens when winter sets in?
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

  


Everyone was defeated and mournful around the conference table including Maria Hill and Fury trying to figure out just exactly what went wrong and why so many casualties. The mission was beyond rough, the intel in my mind was so off it had have been a set-up, it was so horrific that I finally snapped dropping my usually calm demeanor. I paced around the table, rubbing my hand on my mouth and chin, mind running wild, fighting hard just biting my tongue from verbally exploding until my eyes came across Bucky slumped in a chair in the corner of the room. His breath was ragged, chest heaving deeply, eyes sunken and glassed over.

I could see it in his eyes, the dead look, the pain, anguish, suffering, the same look he got after every battle. The ‘I have to be more than a weapon,’ look that broke my heart time and time again. I marched straight to him shoving past Fury and Tony, my shoulders pushing them out of my way. I knew all eyes were on me now, the room had gone silent and I didn’t give a shit. Who cared if they were about to see a sacred private moment between Bucky and I. It was one fucking war after another, it was always the same, the cycle was neverending. He’d brood and blame himself, despise himself for weeks on end, completely shut down and just when I finally pull him out of that self-hatred bubble, he’d get dragged into another fight.

I stood in front of him, he still had blood caked on his hands, flecks of dried blood on his cheeks. I gently placed a hand under his chin pulling him to look up at me. I knew the look, the same look I saw every time something is too hard for him to bear, the look that meant the nightmares would be worse than ever. The 'Y/n I need you by my side’ look. When the nights were long and the nightmares came, we’d comfort each other behind closed doors. It was the same look he gave me every night he entered my room.

I leaned over in front of him, the tears in my eyes looking at this man threatening to spill over at any second. He was just a man forced to fight in an endless procession of someone else’s battles instead of dealing with the battle going on inside himself, he just wanted some peace. Why couldn’t anyone see that he needed peace, no more war, no more fighting? James was never meant for this life. I put my forehead to his, my fingers delicately grazing his neck, my thumbs on his cheeks. His eyes gave him away to everyone that looked at him, softening at my touch before closing. His eyes fluttered under his lids, he lifted his metal hand placing it on the back of my neck just underneath my hair, his thumb stroking circles. I seemed to be the only one he was never afraid to touch with the 'abomination’ as he called it that Hydra gifted him. He let out a deep sigh before opening his eyes scanning mine finding the comfort he needed. I flashed him a soft smile as the tears fled my eyes.

_Lying awake in bed, my mind running amuck in its own thoughts, that was my curse, never being able to stop thinking. My mind always racing over all the possibilities, analyzing every minuscule detail of every mission ever, every conversation I’ve ever had in my lifetime, agonizing over choices I could have, should have, probably would have made instead of what I did and whether the outcome would have been different. I’d been drawn out of my own thoughts to the sounds of the door handle clinking as it opened slowly, his frame filling the doorway. I could see his bare chest glistening with the sweat of his night terrors, his flannel pajama pants hanging low on his hips. Bucky’s shoulders slumped in turmoil and disgust at himself after reliving another nightmare of his past._

_His head hung forward in defeat looking at the floor, face covered by his matted hair, he’d shut the door with a nudge of his foot locking it behind him. His steps silent as he crossed the room, I pulled the blanket down waiting for him to slide in, I held out my arm waiting for him to curl up in my side resting his head on my chest, his flesh arm crawled under the pillow my head was resting on, his metal arm draped softly over my stomach. I swept his hair off his face, tracing lines and circles on his back trying to calm his breathing._

_“Just focus on my heartbeat, James,” I whispered._

I could no longer endure seeing him like this, it wasn’t fair, wasn’t right. I signed up as an Avenger to save the world, to use my abilities for good, not to watch a good man slowly die. I stood up abruptly losing my patience with everything, all of it. The continued bickering of Steve, Tony, Maria and Fury, the incessant sighs of Clint and Natasha, the irritating thump and whoosh of Thor tossing Mjolnir in the air, Sam’s shitty ass commentary of the whole battle, Wanda’s sobs into Viz’s arms, Pietro running back and forth, Bruce staring quietly out the window in a daze.

“That’s it!” I bellowed, my voice echoing off the walls bringing everyone to a standstill, turning to watch me stunned. I was always calm and quiet, the slightly shy one, the one who blended into the wall at parties observing everything. “We’re done, no more. That was complete shit and no one is acknowledging that it was fucked from the get-go.” I stalked towards Tony, Steve, and Fury. “Whoever you got your intel from is either insanely stupid or a mole, that never should have happened!”

“Y/n what do you want, a picture-perfect cut and dry fight? Maybe a map to the bad guys?” Tony’s voice was irritated, it was grating on my nerves. I stared him down, my eyes glowering a raging inferno ready to scorch everything in my path, I stepped up to him, chest to chest an action I’d never done to any one of my teammates in all my years with them.

“I’m taking Bucky away for a while, if we even come back at all and if anyone comes after us I swear to all that holy I will single-handedly end this organization.” The threat and yet the knowledge of its possibility lead Hill, and Fury to nod in agreement.

“It’s not always like this Y/n,” Fury spoke in a calm voice. I turned my back on him to face Bucky, tears streaming down my face.

“What good is saving the world when you’re slowly killing one man? That doesn’t equal out Nick,” my voice was hoarse and ragged. I was struggling to hold it together just looking into Bucky’s eyes. “He’s not just some weapon you assholes pull out whenever there’s a fight. In case any of you’ve forgotten, he’s a human being, more human than the lot of you lately.”

I reached my hand out for his, he stood up taking my hand and we walked upstairs to his room. I started his shower and pulled him into a tight hug, his arms wrapped around me squeezing hard. I could feel the faint pressure of his lips as he kissed my head.

“Wash up, I gotta make a phone call, we’re heading outta town for a while. We both need to get away from the world right now.” The corners of his mouth curled up in an exhausted smile, he knew there was no arguing with me, he just nodded and walked into his bathroom. I pulled out my phone scrolling through my contacts.

“Hey Graham, I’m sorry, I know it’s late. Yeah, shit hit the fan, look I’m heading that way. I know it’s last-minute but you think you and the boys could make sure the farm’s still stocked and ready to go? I was just there a couple of months ago but you never know what could have happened since then. Yes, I know winter’s around the corner, yup, yup, might as well in case I decide to stay the winter. There’s an extra 10 grand in it for you if anything needs to be replaced. Have Sheila charge it to my account. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she’ll probably be mad if you have to buy out her store, but I don’t care, give her a big tip and she’ll shut her mouth, that’s what I usually do. Might as well clear her out of beer and whiskey too while you’re at it. Oh yeah go ahead, sure a case on me. No, Johnny Walker Blue label’s better than the Red, I’m alright with it. Great, alright, I’m taking the slow route so I’ll be there in a couple of days. You’re a good man Graham, see you in a few days.”

I sat on his bed with my head in my hands wondering when everything had gotten so bad and whether I could have ever changed anything. What if we’d run from Wakanda? Or after Siberia? What if I’d gotten to him before Zemo and SHIELD, could I have protected him and hidden him from all of it? Was I deluding myself in thinking that my love alone could save him? I was a nobody, but I was convinced I had enough in me to show him he was worth the world and more. I could hear the shower turn off and his wet footsteps on the floor. Bucky was standing in the doorway of his bathroom wrapped in a towel, an eye arched at me curiously, smirking. No doubt he heard the conversation with his super-soldier hearing.

“Why do I get the sense there’s still a lot more to you than you let on even after all these years?”

“Because there is,” I stood up laughing. “It’s a safe place, hidden, away from prying eyes, but that’s all you’ll get from me right now because the walls have ears.” It wasn’t that I didn’t trust my team, but that Tony and Clint were excessively nosy, always up in everyone’s business where they didn’t need to be. “I’m gonna go shower and pack. It’ll be a little cold there, but pack for a long journey, we’ll leave in an hour.”

*************

A little over an hour later we were on the road driving through the night, he held onto my hand, his head leaned against the window as he slept. Bucky already seemed more relaxed than he was hours before. In the early morning hours, I pulled into a storage area on the outskirts of Columbus, Ohio. He awoke with a start, scanning his surroundings only the way an assassin would, his eyes met mine confused as I stopped in front of a large door. I got out, pulled a key out of my pocket taking off the lock, opening the metal door.

“Pull the car in here James,” a sly smile on my face. He jumped in the driver’s seat slowly pulling the car in the storage locker. I popped opened the trunk pulling out our bags as he watched me confused. I pressed my fingers to my lips motioning him to help me with the bags before we locked the car and the storage locker. He followed me down a few rows to a larger storage locker, eyeing me as I pulled another key out, unlocked and opened the door revealing an old beat-up Chevy Silverado.

“Dude, there’s at least two different trackers and a microphone hidden in each S.H.I.E.L.D. vehicle, no way am I willingly leading them to my Sanctuary,” I snickered because of the way he was watching me perplexed.

“You’re scary sometimes, you know that?” The smile spread across his face.

“You love it and you know it,” I grinned.

**********

The next three days were filled with terrible diner food, long stretches of nothingness along the interstate, horribly uncomfortable motel beds. His smile was staying on his face more as each day went on. On the fourth day, the truck finally bumped and sped down the long winding driveway pulling up next to the house.

“Whoa, I wasn’t expecting this. This is yours?” He stepped out of the truck turning himself around looking at the acreage of trees in midst of autumn change and farmland all around, the rolling mountains in the distance, the crisp coolness of the air, the giant faded red barn near a large pond. He closed his eyes taking in a deep breath, a relaxed smile crept across his face. For a second, he looked exactly like the James Buchanan Barnes Steve always described as a punk teen in Brooklyn.

“Handed down through my family and since I’m the only one left I hid it from S.H.I.E.L.D and everyone so if that day came, I had somewhere to go without getting found. The only ones who know of it are Graham and his family. They live a hundred miles that way over that mountain ridge. His family and mine grew up together, generations farmed this land. They’re really nice people, they keep an eye on it while I’m away. Come on I’ll give you the grand tour.”

I walked him through the living room filled with picture frames dotting the walls and every surface of people from generations ago, the furniture screamed vintage rustic farmhouse, handmade quilts scattered all over every chair. Truth be told, most of the things in the house were original, passed down from generation to generation when people learned how to make things to last and if they didn’t at least they knew how to fix them. The only modern items were a large cushy velvety couch, a flat-screen tv with a massive surround sound system, and a wall full of DVDs. The dining room off to the side of the living room reminded Bucky of his growing up as a kid. Big wooden table with chairs that had delicate spindles on the backs of them.

The kitchen was large and open, he grinned spying the massive wood kitchen stove, memories of a time long ago. The den was wall to wall bookshelves, highback leather chairs sat next to a large fireplace, a small bathroom downstairs. He followed closely behind me up the stairs, I could feel his eyes on me, but which part unclear, it made me chuckle.

“Something funny Doll?” I could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Eyes off the merchandise Barnes.” I snorted out a laugh. “There are four bedrooms up here, and a bathroom, this room’s mine,” I pushed open the door tossing my bags on the bed, showing him the master bedroom, a queen-sized four-poster bed took up a portion of the room angled in the corner, muted grey colors splashed around the room, large floor to ceiling windows with no curtains banked two of the walls of the room. I opened the door across the hall, “you can use this room if you want, but we both know you’ll just end up crawling in bed with me anyway so how about we just stow the 40s modesty bullshit and you bunk with me?” I don’t think that grin could have been any wider on my face.

His steely blue eyes studying mine, brows slightly scrunched in contemplation before the sly smile spread across his lips. He brushed past me in the hall landing walking back towards my room setting his bags on the floor near one of the dressers.

“You know if you wanted to sleep with me so badly, you could have just said something,” his laughter filled the room, I shook my head and rolled my eyes. A knock from the front door interrupted us, the front door creaked open.

“Y/n, you here?” Graham called out in his gravelly voice.

“Be there in a sec Old Timer.” I patted Bucky’s shoulder and smiled before jogging down the stairs. Graham swept me up in a tight fatherly hug.

“I may be old enough to be your father but I’m far from an Old Timer you little shit,” his laugh was deep and rugged. “So what was it this time, another shitty war I’m not supposed to know about or did you finally snap and knock Starks teeth out? Oh no, let me guess, a man broke your heart…again?” I slapped his shoulder playfully.

“Just needed a break from it all, it gets a little overwhelming constantly saving the world you know,” his eyes shifted towards the stairs watching in shocked surprise as Bucky ambled down the steps, his lips pursed warily of the old man.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Graham eyed Bucky with disbelief, “Sgt Barnes, it’s…it’s an honor, sir.” He reached out his hand to shake Bucky’s, Buck looked at me confused before reluctantly shaking his hand. “You sir,” Graham studdered, “you and Capt Rogers saved my Grandfather from Hydra in the war.” Bucky’s eyes went wide in shock.

“I’m sorry, I don’t…there’s a lot about that time I don’t remember.” His voice was quiet and shaky, his eyes kept glancing between Graham and me.

“He was an Airforce pilot captured while on a mission after his plane was shot down. He didn’t say much about what they did, but the scars were enough to scare us kids. You and Capt Rogers rescued him. He uh…spoke highly of you.”

“Graham, maybe another time for this conversation,” I grabbed onto Bucky’s hand, he laced his fingers in mine and squeezed, his shoulder touching mine.

“No, it’s alright,” he gave me a small smile. "What was his name?“ Bucky’s features softened listening to Graham intently, awaiting a new memory possibly.

"Lt. Oliver, he had a gift similar to this one here,” Graham lightly nudged me smiling. I could heal wounds, cure poisons, mend broken bones, I could heal almost anything except death itself. The main reason why SHIELD had me with the Avengers in the first place.

“I…I think I remember him, we must be in…Colorado right?” His eyes shifting to meet mine again and I shook my head smiling. “Don’t think of me as an ass, but there’s a lot of gaps in my past, but he… was tall, kind of lanky like a runner, giant blue-grey eyes, never wanted to start a fight but had a right hook that would sure as hell end it, am I right?” His head tilted, eyes lit up in recognition.

“That’s him alright. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything, I just wanted to make sure you got in alright. Everything’s all good to go, she’s all stocked up for as long as you stay. There’s plenty of meat in the freezers downstairs, fruits and veggies in the root cellar, there’s plenty of fuel for the back up generator, the sheds next to the barn are full of enough firewood to get you into next winter, oh and Tig fixed up the four-wheelers and the snowmobiles out in the barn just in case. Never know with you sunshine, sometimes you stay a day, sometimes a few months.” His eyes flickering between Bucky and me, “maybe even longer this time,” his smile spoke volumes. He saw something in the way Bucky and I looked at each, the subtle way his thumb traced on my hand. The old man excused himself smiling to leave us be.

“He seems…so much more normal a person then I’ve been hanging out with these past few years,” he busted out laughing.

“Go upstairs and unpack genius, take the dresser closest to the closet, I’ll go find something for dinner while you do whatever you men do, shower, shave, braid your hair, dream about ponies.” I stuck out my tongue heading for the kitchen.

Bucky P.O.V.

I jogged down the stairs after an hour to the sounds of music playing loudly from the kitchen, I have no idea what she was cooking but damned if it didn’t smell good. I called her name as I entered the empty kitchen.

“Y/n?” I walked back through the other rooms on the first floor searching for her, a slight pang of worry crept in my chest, I caught a flash of movement outside of a window, I went rushing through the kitchen onto the back porch to find her barefoot in jeans and grey t-shirt dancing around turning steaks on a grill. There was a small table set for dinner, loaded down with enough fixings to maybe, just maybe even fill up Barton and his endless pit of a stomach.

“Damn it Y/n,” she jumped letting out a little squeak at the harshness of my voice making me instantly laugh. “Sorry, you just had me worried for a minute there. I couldn’t find you.”

“Graham left ribeyes in the fridge, couldn’t help myself. You look like you could use a good home-cooked meal after four days of junk.” Her laugh was a melody in itself.

“Steaks huh? You keep spoiling me Dollface and you’ll never get rid of me.” I strolled over towards her resting my head on her shoulder, sliding an arm around her waist giving her a squeeze.

“Oh it gets better Bucky Bear,” I rolled my eyes at that ridiculous nickname she’d given me. “There’s some grilled onions and mushrooms to top the steaks, I got baked potatoes and everything imaginable you’d want to put on them, corn on the cob, and Grahams wife makes the best buttermilk biscuits in the county. He left a basket of them on the counter along with a small bushel of apples from their orchard, I’ll make a pie or two out of them tomorrow, didn’t have enough time tonight though.” Her smile was incredible.

_She had always been cheerful, albeit a little shy at home. Steve liked to complain that she was so introverted toward everyone on the team except me. He’d pester me day and night wanting to know how I’d gotten her to be so chatty, so at ease just hanging out with me all the time. We’d run around the grounds of the Compound chasing each other like kids oblivious to the team around us. I lived for those sunny days when I’d catch her, throwing her up over my shoulder spinning her around, listening to her laugh the dizzier she got. She feigned like she was mad and slapped my ass trying to get me to let her go, but we both knew she liked it just as much as I did._

_Every meal, movie night, or mission we were joined at the hip. She made me smile and I made her laugh. We’d sit on the patio for hours on end staring up at the stars lost in deep conversation. I couldn’t give Steve an answer because since day one of meeting each other she never failed to be so open with me. Some nights I’d lie awake wondering what we were, what was this thing between us. Steve was convinced it was more than friends, Nat kept badgering me to ask her out, but I didn’t want to really put a label on something outta fear it’d ruin whatever it was._

_“We’re just friends, I think. I mean she like my best friend, no offense Steve.” I laughed, Nat rolled her eyes pursing her lips._

_“Bullshit, just friends. Even best friends don’t look at each other that way Barnes. You guys are a thing whether either of you will admit it or not.” Nat just patted my shoulder and walked away leaving me lost in that thought as Steve just smiled and laughed at me._

_Nat was right though, in the whole time we’d known each other, neither of us dated anyone, maybe we did just slip naturally into a relationship without knowing. Either way, she was my saving grace in the darkest moments, she never failed to find a way to make me smile._

“Wait, hold on,” I smirked knowing she couldn’t see me. "Okay, you’re obviously a great cook, no one ever skips out when it’s your night to cook but now I find out you can bake?! And you haven’t done this at home why?“ My fingertips slowly moving towards her ticklish spot.

"Mmm, cuz then I’d have to do it all the time and the constant requests to bake this and that. As Loki says, 'I do what I want’.” That sneaky little grin plastered on her face unaware of the impending tickle. My fingers sprung into action and she squirmed screaming in gleeful laughter.

“Stop it! James… stop… don’t…” between laughter. “I… need… to… check… dinner!”

She spun on the spot, her hands falling on my chest, mine on her hips, tears from laughter spilling down her cheeks, her eyes on mine, but I couldn’t keep mine off her lips. Her tongue darted out and slid across her bottom lip, a sigh escaped my mouth as I leaned my forehead to hers.

“Thank you.” I wanted so badly to kiss her, but I held myself back.

“Thanks for what?” She tilted her head scrunching up her eyes.

“Bringing me here, you didn’t have to do that.” She just smiled, pulling away, her finger tapped my nose.

“Hand me those plates and sit down loverboy,” I raised an eye at the new nickname but did as she asked.

“Why did you bring me here?” Gladly taking the plate piled with food from her and cracking open a beer for the both of us. “This is your secret place, why am I so special?” I watched as her hips swayed the few steps from the grill to the table, she tucked a foot underneath her as she sat down.

“Because I care about you and you needed someone to remind you that you’re more than a soldier. Show you there is another life outside the Compound walls. Besides, you’re cuter when it’s just me and you.” That smile, that sly little smirk spreading across her face was like heaven and hell rolled into one.

************

My POV

Bucky was already in bed when I walked in the bedroom. He had an arm resting behind his head, his eyes were closed but he wasn’t asleep yet. I could see those eyes of his darting around behind his lids, a faint smile hung on this lips.

“You look happy,” I chuckled watching his eyes sprint open.

“Yeah, I was just getting used to the sounds,” he grinned.

“What sounds?” I mused crawling under the covers beside him.

“Exactly! No Clint crawling around in the vents, no drunken Tony screaming at machines, no impromptu visits from the Hulk or Sam being a dick. No Steve and Nat in my face pestering me to…” His face went from overjoyed to uneasy, his whole body instantly tensed.

“Whoa!” The word rushed out of my mouth and I moved closer to him resting a hand on his face. "You were so relaxed, what happened?“ He stared up at the ceiling, his hand pulled mine from his face and linked our fingers together resting them on his chest. I could feel his heart pounding rapidly in his chest.

"What are we?” His voice was so soft and timid, those deep blue eyes of his watching the ceiling as if it held the answers to all the world’s problems.

“What do you mean?” Clearly, he wasn’t going to look at me, I laid my head on his chest.

“Did… did we stop being friends and become something more without knowing? Would you have brought Steve here, or Tony, or Sam? Why am I so special? Why do you spend all your time with me?” The words tumbled out of his mouth like a tornado, they swept around the room and hung in the air turning and swirling burning themselves in my brain.

“No,” I whispered, “I wouldn’t have brought anyone else here. We… I mean … I’d like to think you feel the same but I didn’t want to push it. I just let everything go with the flow, a pace set by you by how you reacted to whatever I was doing. You never seemed to mind me hugging you or sitting so close or curling up on you during movie night. It seemed to make you happy, so I just kept doing it.”

“What do you want us to be Y/n?” His fingers stroking through my hair.

“I think deep down you already know James.” The room was so silent you could have heard a pin drop from the first floor. His arm snaked around me and held me tightly against him. I felt him let out a heavy sigh of relief.

“I hate it when Steve’s right,” he groaned before the both of us laughed out loud.

***************

He had a nightmare that night. We’d fallen asleep tangled in each other but when I awoke to his screams he was on the floor beside the bed, the sheet ripped and torn in his hands. His head and body thrashing about on the floor, he was screaming out my name. 

  
“Y/n! You can’t take her. Let her go! Y/n! I’ll kill you if you touch her!” His arms flailed as if he was fighting in his sleep. I leaned over the bed above him.

“James! Wake up James it’s just a dream.” I hopped off the bed and knelt next to him shaking his shoulders. "James, wake up.“ In his state, he rolled over on me and pinned my arms above my head. 

  
"I told you I’d kill you if you touched her!” He bellowed out in rage.

  
“JAMES!” I struggled to scream. 

  
I could see his eyes flutter open, he shook his head and looked around the room and down at me. He released his grip, tried to scramble off me in disgust at what he’d almost done. I wrapped my legs around his waist and held him in place. 

  
“I’m so sorry… I-I… Y/n please let me go,” he whispered.

  
“No,” my hands went to his face, wiped the tears from his cheeks. I could see the pain in his eyes, I rolled him over pinning him to the floor. It wasn’t the first time something like that had happened with his nightmares, just a first hearing my name. 

  
I hovered above him waiting for him to open his eyes but he refused. He was sickened with himself and I despised every second of it. He needed to know that it wasn’t his fault, the nightmares were the result of Hydra, not him. 

  
“James, open your eyes please,” my voice lowered in a soft but demanding tone.  
  


“No,” was all he whispered.

  
“Fine, be that way,” I growled in lust, I couldn’t take it anymore. If he wouldn’t listen to words than actions would have to work.

  
I lowered my head letting my hair fall around him, my lips ghosting his and across his cheek, down his neck. I scattered delicate kisses all over his chest.  
  


“Y/n what… what are you doing?” He gasped, his body tensing under me, but I wouldn’t answer him.

  
I leaned up briefly, the movement was enough for him to finally open his eyes. He stared up at me in wild confusion watching and I pulled off my shirt. His hands made a slight movement as if he wanted to reach up and touch me, but they dropped back on the carpet. I raised an eye watching him amused, I cupped my breasts in my own hands watching the wildness take over in his eyes, the hunger he’d been denying himself. His hands raised brushing mine away, cupping and massaging. 

The devilish grin that crept across his lips as he sat up burying his face in-between them laying warm wet kisses all over. Sucking and nibbling my nipples, flicking his tongue around them and licking as if they were honey and he couldn’t get enough. A growling rumble echoed in his chest as he kissed his way up to my lips. He was excited, even more so as he felt the wetness pooling between my legs. I smirked and jumped off his lap.

  
“You want it, you gotta catch me first,” I giggled and ran out of the room and down the stairs. When I hit the first floor I tugged off my PJ shorts and flung them on the banister. I could hear his heavy footsteps racing through the bedroom, through the hallway, and down the stairs as I raced outside through the kitchen, the screen door slamming behind me.

  
“You’re gonna get it Doll,” he called out greedily making me laugh.

  
“Bring it on loverboy!” I laughed in cool night air. I hid behind a tree fighting back the urge to run to him when I glimpsed the sight of him on the porch in the moonlight. His eyes scanning the area listening for me with a ravenous look on his face, he’d taken the hint and ditched his own clothes. 

  
“Oh trust me, I’ll bring it,” he snarled seductively.

  
“Sure you will,” I snickered. His head whipped my direction grinning savagely as he ran my way. I took off running again stifling a laugh in the process.  
  


“I’ll catch you Doll, but whether you can walk tomorrow depends on how hard you make me chase you.” The way his voice reverberated in the night air made me want to jump out from my hiding place and scream 'fuck me now’.

  
We played cat and mouse for nearly thirty minutes before he caught me. He crept up behind me as I sought refuge behind yet another tree far away from the house on the forest’s edge. A metal finger slid up my spine making me jump.  
  


“Don’t turn around,” he growled playfully. "You made me run, I hate running. Lean your forearms against the tree and stick that ass out for me,“ he demanded. When I didn’t move fast enough to comply he smacked my ass with his flesh hand, I let out a little moan. "Tease me like that then run, tisk tisk tisk.”

  
“What you gonna do Buck punish me?” I turned my head enough for him to see me smirk as I shook my ass. He just grinned rubbing his palm over my heat.

  
“You know, I have to wonder if you were always this wet all those times I laid next to you after my nightmares? Did you get this riled up feeling my cock rub up against you all that time I slept next to you?” He moaned rubbing himself between my thighs, feeling the slick wetness against his rock hard cock.

  
“James please,” I moaned.

  
“Oh no Doll, you don’t get what you want that easy, answer me. Did you spend all those years touching yourself thinking about me?”

  
“Yes,” I pouted grinding my hips into him.

  
“Did you play with yourself while I was in bed with you, just inches away from you?” He growled, his metal fingers creeping over my waist and downward gently rubbing my clit making me purr. When I didn’t answer he stopped moving altogether. "Well?“

  
"Yes!” I cried out. "Every movie night, every mission, it was torture. I had to excuse myself just long enough for some sort of release.“ He let out a deep laugh and plunged himself inside me.

  
His flesh hand held on tight to my hip as he slammed into me. Over and over he thrust, harder and faster, the fingers of his metal hand rubbing and circling my clit. He was thrusting so hard the pressure from my arms resting on the tree was grinding bark off the tree. The only sound in the night was our moaning and wet skin slapping against skin.

  
"Fuck your so tight,” he moaned, his fingertips digging into my hip. 

  
Faster and harder he drove into me, I could feel the burn in my calves and thighs holding steady in this position. He lifted my right leg and wrapped it around his waist giving him deeper access, his metal hand had a firm hold on my stomach holding me up. I could feel the tightening building, the release was in sight.  
  


“Buck I’m close,” I whimpered.

  
“Hold on Doll, not til I say so,” he grunted in raspy breaths. 

  
His paced quickened, he was thrusting and pumping so hard I thought he might break me in half. I couldn’t take anymore, the pain in my left leg muscles were screaming, the orgasm was right there.

  
“Please Buck,” I whined. 

  
“Cum for me Dollface,” he groaned. “I wanna hear you scream.”

  
I could feel my walls clenching tight around him, the orgasm washing over. I screamed his name over and over, crying out for more. He let go of my waist, my right leg trembling as it touched down on the ground. Both of his hands in a death-grip on my hips, I rocked myself in rhythm with him until he bellowed out a roared of orgasmic bliss. I felt his body jerk and shutter in his release, his thrusts slowing. I could slick wetness trickle down my thighs. He pulled out and did a full-body shiver, leaning over he placed gentle kisses on my back.

  
“You okay? I didn’t hurt you did I?” He turned me around frowning when he saw the blood and gashes on my forearms. "Shit, I’m so sorry,“ his hands reaching out inspecting the damage, but I just laughed. A golden shimmer flowed over my arms healing the carnage from the evil tree bark.

  
"Like I said before… you can’t hurt me,” I rolled my eyes watching the guilt on his face. He still kissed each arm in a plea of regret. "Get a little rougher next time, I can take it and you need it,“ I smirked.

***************  
"James, we need to make a decision,” I spoke lazily as we stood on the back porch watching the snowflakes drift down from the stormy grey skies.   
I held my coffee cup in my hands, dreading this day. I didn’t want to leave. We’d spent a month here already, but winter had arrived. Either we stayed and we stuck until spring because the mountain passes would be impenetrable except by snowmobile, or we leave now and who knew what new battle we’d get sucked into the moment we set foot on the Compound grounds. 

  
He stood behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist, his head tucked into the crook of my neck. He only had the one nightmare since we’d been here, he wasn’t willing to chance what fresh hell awaited them back in New York. For the first time in all his recovered memories, he felt like he was home. The lazy mornings in bed, cooking meals side by side in the kitchen, dancing around the house. Finally getting caught up on all the music, tv and movies he’d missed out on all those years as the Winter Soldier. He almost hated to admit it, but he actually enjoyed the daily runs through the forest she dragged him on. Sitting still and watching the wildlife trample around deep in the forest around them.

  
He found a deep comfort sitting in the den next to a roaring fire listening to her read to him from authors he’d never heard of or remembered from his schooling long ago. He relished in the sight of her baking yet another scrumptious treat for him, her apron covered in flour, that glorious smile on her face when she tossed flour at him. The way she laughed when he feigned outrage being covered in flour. The surprise and lust in her eyes when he pinned her against the counter. His hips and legs locking her in place, his hands resting on the countertop on either side of her. The knowing smirk spreading across her face seconds before his lips crashed into hers. 

  
The sounds of clothing dropping on the floor, fingers tracing every inch of skin. Warm wet kisses in all the right spots that made her moan. The sound of her voice as she hissed at the coldness of the countertop on her bare skin after he lifted her up there. The hungry look in her eyes as she wrapped her legs around his waist, how she clung to him with every thrust he pounded into her. The neverending moans of pure unadulterated bliss spewing from her mouth. The way she looked afterward, sweaty and tired, but satisfied.

  
He smirked standing behind her watching the snowfall. Thoughts from the last month filling every inch of space in his mind. All the places around the house, porch, barn, and parts of the forest they christened in their oxytocin filled haze the last month. Would it change if they went back to New York? He wasn’t willing to find out, he wanted to be selfish and stay, but would she? Would she give up everything she’d worked for just for him? Could she really love him enough to leave it all behind and stay? He had to know even if it hurt, he just had to know. 

  
I could feel him sigh behind me, his warm breath sent a shiver down my spine. His hold on me tightened his fingertip swirling circles. He pulled away and stood next to me leaning against a pillar on the porch, his eyes staring off into the semi snow-covered fields behind the barn. 

  
“Is this up to me, I mean is the decision mine to make or is it ours to decide?” There were so many emotions in those words.

  
“It’s yours to make, I’ll follow you whatever you decide.” I set my cup on the porch railing and snuggled myself into his chest. He let out a little huffed laugh.  
  


“You realize this is probably the first time in 80 some years I’ve made my own choice?” His arms snaked around me holding tight. "I… I don’t want to go back, I never want to go back, I don’t want to fight anymore, I never did. I want to stay here with you, I want my goats, I want to chase you around that field in the springtime. I want… I want you forever and always.“

  
"Then your wish is granted,” I smiled into his chest anticipating the trouble we could cause from here on out.


	2. Beginning of the End

***I tried so hard to finish this one and do it properly, but for some reason, I really struggled with this.***

They laid on their backs, shoulders touching, fingers linked together between them as they gazed upward through the faint twinkling lights strung through the branches of a freshly chopped pine tree. The snow had been falling non-stop for days but that didn't stop him from stomping out in the snow with an ax in tow in search of the perfect tree in the early hours of dawn. He wandered through the forest before he saw it, almost like it called out to him. It wasn't too big nor too small, but its branches were plentiful and the needles of the pine looked so plush and full.

It triggered a memory in the back of his mind when he was younger, he and his parents and his sister getting a tree and inviting Steve over to help decorate it. He laughed out loud as he chopped it down remembering how tiny Steve was. Y/n had finally given him as close to normal life as possible and couldn't think of a better way to show her he loved her and everything they'd had the past few months. He couldn't wait to see her face waking up to the smell of fresh-cut pine.

"James this is amazing," she whispered, he could see the trail of silent joyful tears falling down her face. Sparkling like diamonds they were lit by the lights in the tree and the roaring fireplace.

"It's almost Christmas," he chuckled, "can't have Christmas without a tree. I found the decorations and the lights up in the attic last week so it seemed fitting."

"I don't have anything to give you for a present though," she turned her head just enough to see his brilliant blue orbs shining in the light from the tree above their heads

"You've given me plenty Doll," his laugh was low and deep. She rolled her eyes and sighed, a faint tint of pink flushed her cheeks. He laughed seeing it, that was one of his favorite things to see, the way he affected her like that.

"Still, I'm embarrassed I have nothing to give you," she flashed a sleepy morning smile.

"I think getting to see you naked anytime I flash my patented smile is more than enough to cover Christmas and my Birthday for a few years at least." He crossed his eyes and made a funny face to get her to laugh. He just smiled losing himself her in eyes, the kindness and love in them every time she looked at him never failed to take his breath away.

"I love you, dork," her hand playfully smacking his chest.

He leaned upon his elbow trying to kiss her but his head and hair became tangled in the low branches. He let out a sigh trying to unstick the sappy needles from his hair as he crawled out from under the tree.

"So much for that romantic moment," he smirked picking the needles out of his locks. Y/n still laid under the tree trying to keep in her laughter behind her covered mouth but was failing miserably.

"Oh, you think that's funny Doll?" He asked kneeling beside her smiling flicking the sticky needles at her.

"Better you than me," she laughed. His flashed a predatory hunger, a troublesome smirk curled on his mouth.

"You're gonna get it Doll," the deep husky laugh growled in the air.

He stood up taking a few steps away from her, before turning back to her swiftly grabbing onto her ankles and pulling her out from under the tree. She let out a giggled shriek already aware of his plans. He pulled off his shirt tossing it in a chair across the room, undid the belt on his jeans. He watched her own ravenous eyes following the movements of his hands and laughed deciding to draw it out moving as slowly as possible. She'd done the same thing to him on more than one occasion, he damn near came just watching her undress, swaying her hips in a little dance as she did so. His fingers on the button to his jeans moving agonizingly slow before undoing it. He pulled the zipper down painfully slow tooth by tooth.

"James STOP IT!" She cried out laughing. She was already rubbing her bare thighs together turned on watching the muscles flex on his chest and arms. The devil man care smirk on his lips didn't hurt either.

"Stop what Doll? I'm just taking off my pants," he grinned playfully knowing how wet just his smile made her.

"Fine then, by the time you get them off I'll have taken care of myself," she moaned seductively, but it was enough for him to let his jeans instantly drop to the floor.

"Nah uh, that's my job," he wiggled his brows making her bite her lip.

He stripped down kicking his boxers off and knelt between her legs kissing his way up her thigh, eyes locked onto her as she tried tugging her sleep shirt over her head. He admired the view before him, Y/n laying naked on the rug except for a pair of black cotton panties. A trail of hickeys he left previously over her skin marking the spots that drove her wild as if he didn't have each spot memorized but he enjoyed the results of his handy work. He blew out a hot breath against her skin watching the goosebumps fan out across her body.

A deep chuckled hummed in his chest seeing her squirm. Every day with her seemed to be like this and he considered himself the luckiest man on earth. He watched her suck in her bottom lip, the way her chest heaved with heavy breath. His nimble fingers hooked in the soft material of her panties sliding them down her thighs. Y/n was so wet, glistening in the firelight.

Inhaling her heavenly scent only spurred him on. His nose nustling her core as his tongue licked over her lips and snuck in. Twirling around her nub feeling her hips buck upward in his face. Her fingers curling into his hair nudging his face closer while he sucked and nipped at her clit. She'd become a moaning mess in a matter of minutes. His tongue lapping her up, his arms draped around her thighs locking her in place.

Groaning at the feel of her trying to control the pace in the way she thrust her hips riding his face. He loved it when she did that, so free and uninhibited. How she let herself go because she had nothing to fear from him. He was driving her insane, he could feel it. The pulsing, the tightening squeeze of her thighs around his face. Y/n was crying out his name in no time, slowly riding out the little aftershocks and he couldn't help but grin. His Doll, that wild, sweet little thing beneath him, was all his.

*********

The snow had been melting away for days, the mountain passes had almost cleared up for travel and life around the farmhouse was creeping into existence again. I'd been feeling off for the last few days, James was overly worried. My healing abilities had always prevented me from ever getting sick, not even allergies, but something wasn't right. I was dizzy, could hardly keep anything down, and I was exhausted. I spent most of my time sleeping. James was on edge and close to calling Tony and Bruce for help.

A wave of nausea hit as I rested in our bed. I raced to the bathroom barely making it in time. I could hear his footsteps racing up the stairs and his warmth engulfed me in seconds. He held my hair back and rubbed my back. Bucky was beyond himself, he'd been keeping an eye on the pass through the news on the radio hoping he'd be able to convince me to go into town.

"James," My breath was ragged. I'd hardly eaten, how could I have had that much in my system? "I think... I think it's time to go into town." I could tell just looking at how pale my skin had gotten, something was off.

"Thank god, I thought I'd have to shove you in the truck against your will," he sighed placing a soft kiss on my forehead. He reached toward the sink for a wet towel wiping down my neck and forehead. "I didn't think it was possible for you to even get sick."

"It's not, something's wrong." I couldn't hold it back anymore, he saw the fear I'd been hiding the last few days.

***********

"It's been two hours!" Bucky growled pacing back and forth inside the tiny clinic room. He had the small space, the drab colors, it reminded him too much of cryo with Hydra.

It was hard enough for him to see me like this knowing there wasn't much he could about it, but they'd taken blood, urine, checked my vitals a dozen times. Both the nurse and the doctor were relatives of Graham's so they knew about my 'abilities' and that if I was in there, there was something severely wrong. I was curled up in a ball on top of the exam table just wanting to sleep. The low buzzing hum from the fluorescent lights above was like a strange lullaby trying to coax me into a deep sleep. A knock at the door put Buck on edge.

"It's just me," the doctor smiled. He was Graham's nephew, a middle-aged man who'd seen the horrors of war and came back to his hometown to find peace. He wore a smile on his face as he looked between James and me. "Well, there's good news and better news, which first?"

"The better news," Bucky snapped, but shook his head and sighed. He was going to be trouble I just knew it, ever the big bad protector now that we were together. "Sorry, I hate small spaces."

"It's understandable, I needed to make sure of the results. As far as the better news, everything is on the down-low. Nothing was entered into the system, I know how the Government can be with your kind. You don't have to worry about them coming to your door. We did everything the old fashioned way that's why it took so long."

"Okay, so she's off the radar, what's the good news?" Bucky was still on edge, his fingers laced with mine.

"James be nice, please." My voice was so uncommonly weak. He flashed a smile and kissed my forehead. The super soldier softened rubbing my back in comfort.

"Y/n it's fine," the Doctor laughed. "He's got every right to act like that. So the good news, you're going to be very busy for the next few years."

"I don't understand... how is that good news? What's wrong with her?" He squeezed my hand a little too tightly making me wince.

"Well, congratulations Y/n, you're pregnant." He smiled widely expecting an indifference in reactions to the news. He'd seen it all before, but announcing a pregnancy to couples still made him chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I'm what now?!" I sat up in a daze staring at the doctor, I could see the giant grin spreading across James's face.

"Pregnant, roughly seven weeks along. A little hard to get an accurate date without putting your DNA into the computer system. I'm assuming since you're back on the farm you're keeping a low profile?" He laughed trying to be reassuring that there was nothing to worry about.

"Wow, I mean..." I didn't know what to say. I knew it was a possibility, I had my last shot shortly before we'd left last fall. "Holy shit are we ready for this?" James, my Bucky Bear was absolutely over the moon. He was grinning ear to ear and pulled me into a massively protective hug.

"From as close as I can figure conception was early March so you're looking at an early December due date," but the Doc didn't get to finish before James whooped a little too loudly.

"Fucking hell! I can't believe this, I'm gonna be a Dad!" He leaned over placing his hands on my stomach grinning. "I don't care what you are, you are going to be loved." He just couldn't stop smiling and then it hit him. "You said March, early March?"

"Uh yeah, but like I said it's a bit of guesswork without the use of my computers." The doctor tilted his head watching James' grin change. It went from being ecstatic to smug in seconds.

"You...," he kissed me roughly. "Are the gift that keeps giving. Happy Birthday to me huh?" He chuckled remembering the way we spent his birthday, naked and working our way through the Kama Sutra book he'd found stuffed in one of the bookshelves.

"What do I do about how I feel? I can barely keep my eyes open?" That was my main concern, it felt as if I was slowly slipping away. Like every ounce of my strength was being sucked from me.

"Ah yes that, well because of your abilities your body needs more Vitamin C, iron-rich foods and collagen. What's already in your body is being shifted to the baby and not a lot is left for you. You're going to need to eat double and occasionally triple what a normal person would because of your healing factors. I've already notified Graham, him and Aunt Helen will be over in the next couple of days to give you a rundown on how to handle all of this from what they know with family history."

"This is just," I'm not gonna lie, I was beyond scared. We'd planned on going back to the Compound, back to the Avengers but now this threw a wrench into the mix, but it was a reason to walk away completely and have that normal life we'd grown accustomed to over the winter.

"Y/n, Doll look at me." James held my face in his hands. He could see the overwhelming emotions surging inside, the doubt, the joy, the worry. "We can do this, you can do this. This is ten times more nerve-wracking than taking on Hydra, but I know we can do this. I love you."

**********

Graham and Helen showed up the next day with a pickup truck packed full of various things. His boys followed not long after with a moving truck filled with building supplies. Finding out I was pregnant created some inner turmoil. I was the last of my family and no one had ever told me how to cope with abilities, let alone knowing how to deal with them while pregnant. Graham had brought some fresh beef and pork to fill a freezer, along with loads of fresh veggies from their greenhouse.

"First things first," Graham pulled me into a hug and shook Bucky's hand. "Congrats. Secondly, you, me and the boys are going outside to build and set up a Greenhouse. She's going to need it." James looked slightly confused but shook his head and followed Graham out of the house.

"He's a handsome fella," Helen smiled sitting next to me on the couch. I couldn't deny that James Buchanan Barnes was one hell of a looker.

"He's sweet, a little overprotective sometimes, but he's a good man."

"So I'm just going to assume that no one ever bothered to tell you about how pregnancy goes? I mean I know you know the basics but it's different for healers." Helen was a sweet woman, reminded me a lot of my mother.

"Only stories of things that could go wrong really, other than that I had no idea I could feel this terrible. All I want to do is sleep." I was having a difficult time keeping my eyes open just talking to her.

"That's your body talking. Graham's great-grandmother went into a coma one winter because she wasn't getting what her body needed. Went into a kind of hibernation to save both of them."

"And that's what my body's trying to do right now?" I knew I looked terrified because she stifled a laugh.

"Don't worry honey, I'm here. Throughout the years our families learned how to handle this, kinda had to with being farmers and having lots of kids," she chuckled. "You need lots of Vitamin C, don't matter how you get it as long as you do. Drinking lots of Orange juice or sucking on a lemon, it doesn't make a difference. There's even plenty of it in Kale and Broccoli hench the reason the boys are building a Greenhouse. Those leafy greens grow fast, but until they come in what's in the canned and jarred in the cellar will suffice."

She smiled so kindly seeing how hard I was trying to concentrate to take it all in. So much information in all at once. Maybe if I hadn't lost my family so young, I would have known. It was times like this I wished my family kept records on our family as Graham and his did.

"You're also going to need lots of collagen to help your body recover. If it doesn't get enough it'll start taken from you to give to the baby. That means eating things like bacon, pork, deer, salmon, hearty cheeses not that pre-packaged sliced garbage either. You get enough of that running through your system and you'll perk up real quick. Speaking of that, I'm going to make you something to eat."

By the end of the day, the Greenhouse was built, soil installed and the vegetation in the ground. Graham gave James a crash course on maintenance for it. Over the next week, Graham and his boys had come back showing the ropes on country living. They took him out hunting in the woods and taught him out to field strip a deer. Graham taught him everything he knew about hunting, how to carve up the animals they hunted and the various cuts of meat. How to dry, store, and smoke the meats as well. They showed him various spots along the waterways that ran through the land and how to catch fish. He wanted James to know everything he could because not only was it life long useful skills but the lives of his family now depended on it.

James had a better understanding of just how intense healing was on my body because of Graham and his family stories. They'd built a chicken coup near the barn and filled it with chickens. Each day was something new to James, a little tidbit of information or experience he'd never had before. The more time went on the more he realized he never wanted to leave. He had his life, his happy ending. No wars, no battles, no constant gunfire to dodge, all he had to do was wake up in the morning and a few chores around the farm and watch his baby growing larger inside me every day.

He had a hard time letting me do anything, even walking down the stairs lead to him supervising or just carrying up or down the stairs in paranoia that something would happen to us. I suppose anyone else would have been bothered by all of it, but it only reminded me how much of his life had been stolen from him all those years. He only wanted to protect what he never thought he could have.

Spring turned into Summer and Summer slowly crept into Fall. The closer the due date came, the more trips into town we made stocking up on everything imaginable. Bottles and formula, mountains of diapers and clothing. He remembered how rough the winter was the year before and didn't want to get caught off guard. The thought of trudging down the mountain pass by snowmobile wasn't comforting, especially at the possibility of having to leave me alone. He couldn't stop smiling at me throwing the last of the bags in the back of the truck.

"What are you staring at Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome?" I chuckled holding a hand to my stomach.

"Just the rest of my life," he smirked a sly little grin that lit up his whole face.

***********

"It's been a year!" Tony huffed looking over the data F.R.I.D.A.Y. had compiled since Y/n and Bucky had disappeared.

"Don't think I don't know that Tony. You're not any more worried than the rest of us," Steve snapped back.

They had all expected Y/n and Bucky to be gone a week or two, but it dragged into a month. They joked about the possibility that Y/n and Bucky finally got together and didn't want to get out of whatever bed they were tangled up in. Months dragged by, winter came and went, their Christmas presents still sat in the corner of the living room. Anytime any of them glimpsed the boxes their hearts would sink. Tony had them put in their rooms instead.

Spring came and still no word, no sightings of them anywhere. The worry started to set in that maybe Hydra had captured them. Fears that Bucky was the Winter Soldier again and what was happening to Y/n flooded their thoughts. Everyone had become distracted by tracking them down. The very thought they could have been taken by the remains of Hydra only heightened the intensity of the search.

"Steve, you know how Y/n is about Halloween and Thanksgiving. She wouldn't miss them for anything, but where was she huh? Not here, nothing, not a peep from either of them. I'm not the only one thinking it, but what if..." Tony hated this, hated every second of it. He missed her, teasing her, having her help him in his lab.

"Don't even say it out loud," Nat hissed, her mind had never stopped those thoughts.

The nagging in the back of Natasha's mind that her self-appointed little sister was in the clutches of something evil. Her past haunts her, the torture, the brainwashing to do evil things for what they told you was the greater good. She knew Y/n could fight, knew Bucky would look out for her, but what happened if they found a way to make him the Winter Soldier again?

Desperation and despair hung thickly in the air. It was like all that was good, all that laughter and humor, the smiles and lightheartedness left the world when Y/n and Bucky sped down the driveway into the night. Nothing felt the same anymore, tensions were high and all were on edge.

"Boss," F.R.I.D.A.Y. called out stilling all bodies to a halt in the room. "I'm got two people matching their profiles leaving a clinic in Colorado."

"Colorado?" Steve's mind churning wondering why there.

"A clinic?" Nat gasped. "She can heal, why a clinic?"

"You got eyes on the scene F.R.I.D.A.Y.? A video, photos, what?" Tony was losing himself, they all gathered in front of the screen awaiting visual confirmation.

The video feed popped up on the screen, grainy but they could see Bucky and Y/n. Steve had to do a double-take almost doubting it was Bucky, his hair was cut and shorter. They were smiling walking hand in hand, stopping next to an ancient truck. He pulled her in close, brushing her hair out of her face. Cradling her face in his hands, kissing her soft and slow.

They could see her laughing, playfully smacking his chest as he opened the passenger side door for her. Y/n looked different, but no one could put their finger on why. Even in the grainy footage, something was odd with her, some subtle change they had yet to pick up on. Nat's eyes widened after a few moments.

"Location F.R.I.D.A.Y., can you narrow it down?" Tony looked relieved for the first time in months. 

"We need to go to them as soon as possible." There was something hidden in her eyes the others couldn't place, not even Clint.

*************

It was that time of year again, both Bucky and I could feel it. The cool breeze that smelled like snow. The chill in the air, not even the sun felt the same. We kept checking the stockpiles of food and wares in the house making sure we didn't forget a thing. The root cellar was full to the brim, the freezers stocked so fully my mind ran wild with all I could cook with it. One of the spare rooms upstairs was overflowing with baby supplies.

Clothing, diapers, creams, rattles, and pacifiers. Toys that James couldn't tear himself away from. It was all so fascinating to him, how drastically things had changed since his time. He fought and growled trying to install the base of the car seat in the truck. Swearing up a storm, but insisted he could do it.

"This shouldn't be this hard," he hissed between clenched teeth. His frustrations aimed at the plastic contraption in his hands. "Why the hell won't the arrows line up? It says angle until the arrows line up with the seat and tighten the seat belt."

"You sure you don't want to concede and let me do it," I giggled leaning against the truck watching him.

"And have to change diapers solo for a month straight after the Lil one is here, I don't think so," he took a step back from the car seat flashing a grin.

"Fine, I'll forgo the bet, just step aside old man." He pursed his lips glaring in fake offense but stood behind me watching my every move. Visibly annoyed how quickly I had it installed.

"That's not fair, you cheated!" He whined, but even in his annoyed state, James was adorable.

I wondered if our child would have the same expressions as James. We still had no idea the sex. Neither of us liked surprises but somehow this one was worth it. Would they have his eyes or mine? Would they inherit James' smile or his stubbornness? They'd be loved no matter what, protected and safer than the Crown jewels. The protection part James took to heart, scowering the perimeter of the farm, installing fencing and alarms.

The nursery had been completed ages ago. It was the first thing James had done after we found out. James decided on the room directly across the hall with a smile. The room I offered him the first day we arrived. He put together the crib, painted the walls a neutral color, doodled cartoon characters all over the walls. Even adding in little renditions of all of the Avengers. His talent wasn't as sharp or dramatic as Steve's but it admirable. Letting a side of himself out beyond his comfort zone for his child.

Each doctor's appointment that required us to drive into town was followed but yet another stock-up trip. James couldn't help himself perusing through the stores adding stuffed animals and books to the cart. Books he remembered bits of from his childhood. Brief glimpses of his mother reading to him and his sister. He made sure there was a rocking chair nearest the window offset by a bookshelf stuffed full and a soft light to read by.

The first snowfall had come sooner than expected, James had the fireplace stoked and roaring. We curled up on the couch watching a movie, catching glimpses of the snow falling outside as they passed the window. Fluffy fat wet snowflakes falling heavily to the ground. The grass and fields covered in a layer of white. It was calming, a serene wonderland outside the window, interrupted by the sounds of thrusters landing nearby.

He raced to the hidden closet beneath the stairs, punching in the code and pulling out his rifle and tossing on a vest. I knew he wanted me to stay indoors, stay hidden, but that wasn't in my nature. The look he threw my way, the fear and fight in his eyes. His worst fears coming true. I killed the lights in the house and we crept into the kitchen peering out the windows at the shadows coming our way.

HIs hearing picking up voices, he brought his fingers to my lips to stay silent, pressing a soft kiss. James opened the door without a sound and slid onto the back porch taking cover behind the railing, rifle aimed ready to fire.

"Not another step," he growled in a fierce calm only he could accomplish, firing a warning shot high above the shadows as a warning.

"Bucky?" Steve's voice called out in the dark startled.

"Steve?" James responded unsurely.

"Can someone turn on some damn lights before I fall over Sam again," Clint muttered cursing.

"Doll, the lights," but I could still hear the apprehension in his voice.

Bringing light back to the house and the grounds, I waddled out on the porch in time to see James standing. His rifle still in his hands, but lowered, finger still readied near the trigger. He took a few steps to stand in front of me watching the rest of them coming into view. Steve, Sam, Nat, Clint, Tony, Wanda, and Vision. A blue streak of Pietro in the distance buzzing around the barn, and Bruce watching quietly from the back of the pack.

"We're not going back," James answered flatly. "No more wars, no more fights, we're done, out, retired."

"We're not here to make you come back Buck, I promise." Steve had his hands raised to show he meant no harm. "It's been over a year, we were worried something happened. We just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"You're not gonna make me fight?" James and that damned innocent voice.

"No, I just needed to see that you were alright." Steve had made his way to the steps. "You look good Buck. I like the new look," Steve smiled at the relaxed new look of James. The blue jeans and flannel shirt, the shorter hair and his newfound beard.

They all came in closer smiling, exchanging hugs and pleasantries, but Nat made her way straight towards me. James sidestepped in front of her holding me behind him glaring down at Nat. Everyone else seemed confused at the action, the overprotectiveness wafting off him. Nat smiled and shook her head speaking in Russian.

"Поздравляем Белый Волк." (Congratulations White Wolf.) She spoke softly, James let out a sigh and nodded his head making the grin widen on her face.

He turned back towards me setting a gentle kiss on my forehead and stepped away smiling. Nat was slow in her movements, the worry in her eyes disappearing the closer she got. She held out her hands like she was readying to engulf me in a hug only to carefully lift the front of my bulky sweatshirt exposing my very pregnant belly for all to see. Nat herself squealed in delight and hugged me tightly.

"Hot damn," Tony gasped laughing. "No wonder you never came back."

"Come on asshats get in out of the cold," I laughed watching them all walk pass inside.

Only Nat and I were the last ones on the porch, my hand holding onto the door ready to walk inside when the pain hit. A sharp throbbing ache in my stomach that made me double over letting out a hissing cry. A warm liquid seeping down my legs soaking into my pajama pants. My breath hitched and I clenched my teeth. The others inside congratulating James again, beers getting handed out as he filled them in on the last year.

"Y/n?" Nat's hand in a firm grip on my shoulder. "You okay?"

"Nope, not in the slightest," I croaked in pain, James turned back towards the door wondering why there was still a chill to see me in distress.

"Doll, what's wrong?" His long strides closing the distance quickly, his hands on my face staring into my eyes worried.

"My water broke," I managed to shrug my shoulders and let out a tiny laugh.

"What?! It's too early, you're not due for another two weeks." The panic set in, the crowd behind him fell into a silence.

"This kid is half you, did you really expect it to listen and follow the plan?" I laughed through the pain. He smirked in agreeance with my smart ass remark scooping me up in his arms.

It was a flurry of emotions, a cluster fuck of bodies smacking into each other in a mild panic. Tony kept saying we had to fly somewhere, a hospital, completely ignoring the fact there was technically a doctor in the house. It wasn't his specialty but he'd taken a course while getting his Ph.D. in Biology. Clint and Nat were cool as cucumbers, having gone through this a few times with Laura. Steve and Sam took a step back letting those in the know be in charge. Bruce barking orders for water and towels.

"The den," I gasped holding my stomach earning a look from a few people.

"You'll be more comfortable upstairs in bed," James looked confused.

"It gets messy James and winter's here. There's no getting a new mattress, I can toss the rug okay," closing my eyes focusing on my breathing.

"As you wish Doll," he smiled setting me down on the rug near the fireplace. "Steve grab some more logs out on the back porch."

James made himself busy grabbing pillows from the living room and tried to make me as comfortable as possible. He sat beside me the whole night, holding my hand and stroking my hair. Whispering words of encouragement the whole way, only stopping every so often to tell the panicking trio of Steve, Tony and Sam to stow it. They were so beside themselves, so out of their element they didn't know what to do. Pacing around the house, and making annoying noises.

Nat and Clint assisted Bruce, each taking turns helping me focus on my breathing. I was exhausted and spent, my body was turning on me. Too late for any pain meds, breathing only worked so much. I had to close my eyes, spewing obscene words and phrases in every language I spoke. Nat and Bucky both laughed hearing the guttural foul language escape my mouth but never once did I take it out on James.

"Так храбр мой маленький волк," (So brave is my little wolf) James grinned wiping the sweat off my forehead.

It was dawn before the bellowing cries echoed through the house. That scrunched up pink-hued little bundle of wailing lungs stopped everyone in the house, even Pietro. Clamoring to see the new little life. Nat cleaned and rested him on my chest. James was beside himself, fighting back the nerve-wracking cry that was crawling up his throat. Overjoyed tears were heavy in his eyes. He couldn't stop touching his little fingers and toes, gliding his flesh fingers over his little tuft of hair atop his head.

"He has your eyes, James," I grinned barely holding back my tears.

"What are you going to name him?" Steve asked standing beside James.

"I-I don't know, all this time and I couldn't think of anything, I've been too worried about Y/n," he sheepishly answered, eyes scanning the snickering bunch of friends huddled in the den and the doorways and back at me.

"I thought of something," I laughed softly nuzzling my baby boy beneath my hands. "It's a bit unconventional, but then again we've never been normal have we, James?"

"I'm all ears Doll," his sly smirk plastered on his face.

"Rollo," the confident smile on my face left him intrigued.

"The Viking from the tv show?" Clint chuckled confused.

"No stupid," Nat shoved him and rolled her eyes.

"If I may," Vision interjected with a tiny smile. "I believe I understand Y/n's choice. Rollo is German for 'Famous Wolf'." The curious exchange of looks around the room and the smiles that landed back on James and me.

"Well, we are officially a Wolf pack aren't we?" I couldn't stop smiling watching the recognition in his eyes, the widened smile on his face.

"Rollo it is, Rollo Steven Barnes," James smiled up at Steve and his blushing face.


End file.
